Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
