I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
