Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize