Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
