i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
