All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
