You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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