i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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