i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you would pick up someone in the library
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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