I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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