ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think my moral compass just broke
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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