I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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