I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
