You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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