Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize