May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This house was built for laser tag.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
