Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
