The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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