Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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