somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone shit on the floor
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
