I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
