pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize