You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
