i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
