Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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