sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
