I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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