The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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