I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
