I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
