I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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