My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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