U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
