The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is wine microwaveable?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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