Bisexual people are plain selfish.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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