i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
