WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
