her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
