yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
