grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
