Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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