Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
