She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
