the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
