At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
