someone threw a dead crab at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
