I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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