i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
