you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
