I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
