Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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