I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
