dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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