If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
