I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
