Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
