this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you never un-have a 4some
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
