Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
