she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
