I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
