Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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