24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
