i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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