didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
