Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
even my farts smell like vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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