Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
