You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your penis caused this!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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