Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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