I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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