cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
