Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize