home. puking in laundry basket.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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